The standard deal:
- Thesis, thesis, thesis. (and make it good the bomb).
- Go to counseling for the last semester I can get it free.
- Figure out that it ain’t my responsibility & I can’t fix it all.
- Stop being so hung up on everything, i.e. chill out.
- Graduate.
- Job. Good job?
- Don’t be homeless. Maybe pay my bills (ohno student loans….)
- Do things for myself and NOT feel guilty about it.
Filed under: Bad Calls, Other people, School, Stupid Boys, Trips | Tags: family drama, New Jersey/New York, thesis hell
Right now I’m on one of my on and off again best friend’s computer making good facebook message choices while stealing her expensive lotion. I ditched my family in favor of relaxing. And I feel very, very expectionally guilty about that. But atleast I’m relaxing, kinda, right?
I’m so angry that I forgot my thesis chapter. I really, really am. But, to clarify, I have my actual chapter, I just don’t have the copy edited by my adviser. And since we disagree on oh-so-many topics, I was actually planning on revising and editing and reworking that piece of shit, but now I can’t. At least, not with her intentions in mind. And that, of, course, amongst other things, is driving me crazy.
We have no car for driving to New Jersey/New York. My friend flaked on fixing her car & so now I’m looking at flying or bussing it, but I don’t even have a ride to the airport (3 hours away in Kansas City)…. oh jeez.
And my best friend via college (the perpetual bad call boy) is failing so very much in being an actual friend right now.
I just am sorta lost. And drinking isn’t really doing anything. Which makes me sad. Kind of.
I forgot my thesis chapter in the library. Oops.
I feel really guilty for everything & really bad for everyone.
He won’t call me. & I’m pissed about that.
I watched almost all of My So-Called Life today. It is not good.
I’m back in Carthage now. It was a mistake to come back here, even though I sort of had to, but I knew I shouldn’t have and well here I am now hiding out at a friend’s house. My house is ruined, my brothers and mother have destroyed it. They sold everything, including my books (my bible, really?). My bed was a home to kittens and as such it is ruined. I won’t be stepping another foot into that house save to salvage what’s left of my stuff.
I really regret forgetting my thesis draft in my apartment.
A week and a day until I’m headed to New Jersey to use my grant money and maybe learn something.
Oh yeah, Merry Christmas.
Filed under: Other people, Stupid Boys, Trips | Tags: Portland, snopacalyspe 2K8, weather
Dude, this weather is whack. (Pretty but whack).
I trekked up the hill to Safeway and the sausage store. I only fell once (into a large drift of snow, so even my bananas weren’t bruised.). We watched the news all day; day like 6 of 24/7 Snowpacalypse coverage on the Portland stations. Then we trekked through the snow again to go drinking. A success, I’d say.
I may or may not make it out of here by Christmas Eve (as scheduled). I will be spending Tuesday night at the airport hoping my Wednesday morning flight is not cancelled.
Filed under: Bad Days, Life Goals, School, The New Deal, Trips | Tags: family drama, finals hell, Sopranos, winter break
I have finished my second to last college semester.
I did it in record time (finished early, early Wednesday morning!).
I don’t want to go home (& am seriously considering missing my flight, oops).
I am being killed by winter allergies.
I saw Lucero last week, the crowd was über-douchey, but still a good time (he was sober this time!).
I watched too many episodes of The Sopranos season 2.
I feel good about that, though.
I drank a bottle of cheap French wine with my best college boy.
I still feel good about that, too.
I really don’t want to go home, not that there’s a home to really go to.
I am not talking to my mom (her choice) after this last suicide attempt (she’s still on hold).
I am not responsible for fixing everything.
Well, I just lost my spoon in my soup; but I’m this close to being done!
Finals is upon us now. Snow is gonna fall upon us now.
My borderlands final is due on Monday. 12-15 pages. I currently have 0.
My magical realism final is due on Tuesday. 8-10 pages. I currently have 0.
My independent study final is due on Wednesday. 8-12 pages. I currently have 0.
I have ideas/outlines for the first and last. Nothing for the middle. And 0 desire to really be working on anything.
My family is killing me. And I’m considering a leave of absence to deal with all their shit. Hopefully not, though.
Filed under: Películas, School | Tags: Cormac McCarthy, finals hell, Lucero
I forgot how much I hate the character of Alejandra in Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses. (For those that haven’t read the book, Penélope Cruz’s character in the movie version). Anyone who could break John Grady Cole’s heart is a beezy in my mind.
I also forgot how much I love A Streetcar Named Desire (both play and movie). Blanche is so very, very well-written.
Also, the new design of WordPress is kinda whack.
Lucero on Friday. Maybe Ben Nichols will NOT be super drunk this time and the concert will be enjoyable, perhaps even an accurate reflection of why I love Lucero so much.
Finals Schedule
Borderlands
Crossing the Border in McCarthy’s Border Trilogy (10-15 pages) [better title to come], Monday
Magical Realism
My Definition of Magical Realism as it Relates to Film (8-10 pages), Tuesday
La movida
From Movement to Depression in the Works of Almodóvar (8-10 pages), Wednesday
